Sunday, November 28, 2010

Better late than never

So another day as the Gemini in myself gets to live out two different lives.  Today I worked as salesperson extraordinaire.  I smiled, I chatted, feigned interest in someones life, and then sold some things.  It is exhausting to know that this has been a part of my life for so long.  It is also exhausting knowing that I can be good at. 

But its not me anymore, its something I do now to pay the bills.  Maybe it makes me crazy but I would much rather spend my time researching a legal problem or going through pages on pages on financial documents to help others.  But as long as I wait, as much as a pine to be accepted I continue to do what comes natural when my spotlight goes up.  

In between what I used to so eloquently call "singing for my supper" I continually pace and obsess about where I could be next year-Check my email...nothing-My status checker...nothing, LSAC...nothing.  As my email box fills up with sub-par law schools I begin to think about applying to them, maybe I'll go to Surf U or We Just Want Your Money University.  At least they want me to be there.  However, I am finding because someone wants you there does not mean you belong there.  It is enough to make the strongest of us absolutely batty.  The prospect of being finished, and almost being out of limbo is my light at the end of the tunnel.  The thought eases the neurotic tendencies that are taking up residence in whats left of my mental capacities. 

To finally have my own place again, and be able to grab a beer in my underwear at 8:00, all while having a jenga sized mountain of case law books on my desk.  It is my version of a young man's dream.  A metaphorical Jessica Biel goal.  With that I end for another day.  I am thirsty, but must head upstairs in jeans for now...

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